awesmazings | 005

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[Anyone who knows Jimmy at all might have noticed that he's been unusually absent from the Network lately. Ignoring new arrivals, and only talking to people sparingly- and it's always, always via text. In fact, Jimmy hasn't made a video post to the Network himself in several months, and it seems like that hasn't changed.

It's jarringly unusual behavior, but the sudden message that pops up on the Network this afternoon might be the most surprising thing of all, even moreso than the radio silence. No attempts at filtering, either.]

What do you think 'Hell' is?

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Not having an identity of your own. No matter what you do, always being mistaken for or held up to the same standards as somebody else.

Or it's being stuck at the rodeo. I'm pretty sure that if Hell does exist, it has clowns and a bunch of drunk people in cowboy hats.

[Joker will barely have the time to get his arms around Jimmy properly before he practically folds in his arms, letting out a strangled cry that's muffled by his shoulder. Leader shifts a little to give Jimmy room, his ears falling back as he drops his head back to the bed. It seems that he's seen his trainer in this sort of distress for a while now, but hasn't really been able to do anything to help.

His sobs come deep and hard, though this isn't the first time he's let tears fall this week. It's just the first time he's really had anyone around to see it. Through it he tries to speak, to explain himself or perhaps apologize, but nothing coherent really comes out.

"I'm sorry"

"I don't know what to do"

"I'm a terrible person"

bits and pieces of words all fragmented together, not making much sense at all, really.]

[...oh.

oh no.]

that...that is a terrible thing

i dunno, Veronica.
maybe
...
i know im not like a lot of people here
im a lot happier than most
probably too much, sometimes
maybe i just don't see...it as a bad place
even though im meant to

[Uh, maybe she got a little too dark for the kid.]

It's something I'd never wish on anypony.

[You might have to give him a moment. It's gotten hard to type with tears blurring his vision.]

....thank you.

thank you so much.

so things will get better soon.

no, im the only one
i was hoping Beezy or Heloise would show up but
its been half a year now so i dunno if they will
but thats why i made this post today
when i heard people telling me that my home is basically exactly like what Hell is supposed to be
it scared me

[....She sighed, even if he wouldn't know that.]

Well

maybe people should be as happy as you are? Things would probably be better for a lot of people if that was how things were.

[She'd never be like that, her vision of the world was stained by blood long ago.]

And, if you're happy back in your home, that's kind of all that matters, right?

[HE DIDN'T MEAN TO SIGN UP FOR THIS]

what's wrong with liking a place you feel like you belong in, even if it's shit?

you like making people happy? well you live in the place where everyone's miserable

you get to just do what you like all the time. I don't know, maybe you volunteered to go there

[Joker just keep him in his hold- not as strong as it could be, not if he had another arm to go with it, but he holds on tight as he can anyway. He rests his cheek against that head of blonde hair and makes quiet shushing noises.]

[Kid like Jimmy doesn't need to worry about a place like Hell. That's a problem for a man like Joker.]

[He pats the boy's head over and over, touch soft and reassuring. There's nothing really that can be said right now. Sometimes all you can do is let the tears fall before you pick up the pieces that fell with them.]

You're welcome.

Never lose sight of that ray inside of you, okay?

Not just for the people back home, but for yourself as well.

[...well Hell DOES have clowns, that much he can vouch for.]

I...well, that...is a really terrible thing, I guess.

[... yeah, Yusuke's kind of getting that impression. There's a brief pause on his end of the line; he hadn't answered this text expecting the person who sent it out to be having... issues of some sort, but now that he strongly suspects that they are, he doesn't really feel right just leaving them hanging. So, despite feeling a little awkward about having to potentially deal with a stranger's, uh... feelings, he eventually texts back:]

Okay, so... why is that? What is it about Hell that's got you so confused?

i can definitely see why
i'm really sorry to hear that you're from a place that's like that
but i wouldn't get caught up in worrying about it
you're here now and hopefully your friends will show up at some point!
it's troubling yeah but even if you were from hell what could you do about it?
sometimes it's best just to stop worrying
that's pretty shitty advice i'm sorry
i wish i could be of more help

Yeah. Rodeos suck.

[That was about the rodeo thing, right?]

[Any...pony?...

..actually he's not gonna ask, that doesn't matter right now.]

so...you think Hell is...more like
a....mental thing? like
"this day has been Hell"
not
...a place you could go if you're bad enough

...i hope so..

i...i guess you're...right
i just
cant help but think about it
worry about it

i just
i dont know
i really dont know what to think
ive been wanting to go back home one day and now im scared to
but that isnt right because I love my home
i love my friends and my dog and where i live

[He stops there, dropping the Gear long enough to dig his fingers through his hair, yanking on it a bit.]

i wish i never even knew about Hell
anything about it.

Don't really see a need for such a place. As far as I can tell, nopony is beyond redemption.

...I reckon the moon might be the closest place I've heard of that fits that description.

[It's a little while before Jimmy manages to calm down, and once he does he's clearly totally spent. It's telling in both his body language and breathing, just how exhausted he is, both mentally and physically.

Even the crying has turned into uncontrollable gasping he doesn't let go of Joker, instead resting his head against his shoulder with tears still drying on his face.]

Hell....t-that's...where I'm from.

[Jimmy finally manages in a voice that's barely above a whisper, his grip around the man tightening a bit.]

I'm f-from Hell...

I...I'll try.

what's your name? im Jimmy.

The name's Greed. That's my real name, no jokes.

what sort of things do you enjoy?

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