awesmazings | 005

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[Anyone who knows Jimmy at all might have noticed that he's been unusually absent from the Network lately. Ignoring new arrivals, and only talking to people sparingly- and it's always, always via text. In fact, Jimmy hasn't made a video post to the Network himself in several months, and it seems like that hasn't changed.

It's jarringly unusual behavior, but the sudden message that pops up on the Network this afternoon might be the most surprising thing of all, even moreso than the radio silence. No attempts at filtering, either.]

What do you think 'Hell' is?

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I've seen it.

It's nothing but darkness and eternal waiting. Other eyes in the dark watch you back, but they're waiting, too.

Edited 2014-08-28 23:04 (UTC)

[He's seen it?]

...Nothing but...darkness?

What are they waiting for?

To get out.

Once you're there, you want nothing more than a chance to get out. If you manage to get out you never want to go there again.

...so it's that terrible of a place, then.

what if you can't find a way out?

Then I guess you're just stuck there. Waiting.

What I remember of this place, I don't know if it was actually me if that makes sense. If it's my memories or something else. It's a little hard to explain.

do you know why you were there?

i mean

why you could see it? ...did you do something to make that happen?

I think I was there because I was there.

I don't remember why, or what I did to get there, not exactly. I was there because of the actions of someone else more than what I did myself.

i dont really know if i understand that too much

but i guess youre saying how you got there doesnt really matter

right?

[And he's going to go ahead and lock this because he figures this is veering into territory that is deeply personal for both of them.]

I don't believe I was there to be punished if that's what you mean. If being there was my own memory, or the memory of something that wasn't quite me.

The classic concept of Hell, that people are there to be punished for their sins isn't something I can believe is real. Those who are born from the souls of the dead shouldn't be punished for sins that aren't their own.

...see i
ive never heard about Hell before i came here
so having people tell me that...

i guess
my home is supposed to be like that
its....it scared me.
i still dont know what to do or think about it.
whether or not its real, im living in it right now.
or
some...version of it.

Has it always been your home? Do you remember a time before it?

its always been my home, yeah.

i dont remember anything else, really...like.

i do remember snow. thats one thing i remember that nobody back home knew about.

thats why im pretty sure i didnt always live there. even though i cant remember.

I remember things, too. Vague. Horses on a ranch. A little boy.

But it feels like it happened to someone else.

Just because you're there doesn't mean you did anything wrong at all.

if i didnt do anything wrong

why am i living in such a supposedly terrible place?

I've been called a monster my entire life. I've been told that I'm a mistake, that I'm an abomination.

I can't say that I've never wondered if it's true, but I keep on living.

If it's your home, if you're truly happy there, does it matter if other people tell you it's supposed to be terrible?

[...oh.]

i
...

i guess not.

i just cant help but wonder, i guess.

Were you happy there? Was there anyone controlling you, anyone making you do things you wouldn't normally do?

Edited 2014-08-29 02:33 (UTC)

not really
like the ruler of our town
his job is to make everyone miserable
it works on everybody but me, usually
im always trying to make people smile
and be happy if i can
sometimes it works
sometimes it doesnt
but i never really thought about it too much.

Maybe you weren't put there to be miserable. Maybe you were put there to make other people happy, even if only for a moment.

To be that ray of hope when everything else seems lost.

[...]

...do you really think that?

It sounds like you're the sort of person who doesn't give up easily.

I bet you're a real thorn in that ruler's side.

Yeah, I believe you are. Even if that person you made happy is unhappy the next day, for that brief moment, you made them happy. They'll never forget that.

[You might have to give him a moment. It's gotten hard to type with tears blurring his vision.]

....thank you.

thank you so much.

You're welcome.

Never lose sight of that ray inside of you, okay?

Not just for the people back home, but for yourself as well.

I...I'll try.

what's your name? im Jimmy.

The name's Greed. That's my real name, no jokes.

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