awesmazings | 005

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005 | Text

[Anyone who knows Jimmy at all might have noticed that he's been unusually absent from the Network lately. Ignoring new arrivals, and only talking to people sparingly- and it's always, always via text. In fact, Jimmy hasn't made a video post to the Network himself in several months, and it seems like that hasn't changed.

It's jarringly unusual behavior, but the sudden message that pops up on the Network this afternoon might be the most surprising thing of all, even moreso than the radio silence. No attempts at filtering, either.]

What do you think 'Hell' is?

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wishing's not going to make it go away, or make you forget. trust me, there are a lot of things I wish I could forget.

who cares if your home is hell? if you love it, you're happy there. if you find a place where you can feel like you belong, then fuck what anyone else thinks about it.

if you go back it will still be the same place it was before

...
do you really think that? that it...doesn't matter?

I think it doesn't have to matter.

it's important where someone comes from. but it's more important what you decide to do with that, isn't it?

i...i guesso.
ive never really thought about it that way before

I don't know much about you, but from what you said before you weren't doing too bad for yourself there

if you can't even stand the idea of being awful in another life you don't remember, how bad could you possibly be?

i dunno
i guess just thinking about it
i was worried that knowing that maybe i wasnt so nice before
just maybe that would mean that who i am now just
isnt real
its just something that ive been living with because i cant remember anything else
i dont know anything other than who i am now

[Congratulations Jimmy, you've hit one of Envy's Issues Buttons.]

just because you might be a different person now then you were when you were alive doesn't make you not real

that's what I am, I'm a dead person stuck with stupid memories from somebody else, and they don't match up with how I am now. but I'm real.

you could have been the worst person in the world before or you could have been exactly the same, that still wouldn't make you not real as you are

[WHOOPS...]

...im sorry
i didnt mean that, really

[BUT HE DID, THO.]

i just wish i knew who i was
just not knowing is driving me crazy
wondering how bad or....not bad i could have been

I get it. it's hard not knowing. and I don't know if there's a way for you to get those memories back.

but thinking about it too much really will drive you crazy. I've seen it happen.

sometimes the only thing you CAN do is find ways to not think about it. don't fall so far into who you might have been that you lose yourself as you are now.

yeah
yeah i guess youre right
i just need to try not to think about it so much

[...]

thank you for talking to me though
it really means a lot even though i
prolly havent been making a whole ton of sense
i dont think i even know what your name is
im Jimmy

I dunno you were making more sense to me than you probably would most people.

I'm Envy.

[...and what was Envy even thinking, saying all that to somebody he didn't even know? He hadn't been thinking, really.]

nice to meet you Envy
next time we talk itll be about something better i hope

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