awesmazings | Voicemail

[Joker hates silence.]

[It leaves too much room for thought, for doubt, for all the bad feelings that could fester in a human body to churn about like a witch’s brew. Yet what can you do? This… needs to be talked about.]

Yeah. It… wasn’t much of a choice. [Another let out breath, the shake in it able to be heard.] Us or them… It was that kinda situation.

[That's a scary, scary thing to think about. A real world sort of issue that Jimmy, up until now, hadn't personally dealt with.

He shifts a little in his seat, moving to grip at the loose parts of his jeans.]

I...guess I can see why you didn't wanna talk about it.

[Joker swallows, and it feels like he’s choking down a jagged rock.]

It ain’t exactly somethin’ ya break out in casual conversation, nah.

[His fingers knead into his palm.]

But… This place is strange. We both know it. People get dragged in, odd things happen… And any of it could involve my past. And, not that long ago… I realize I owe it ta ya ta explain. Talk about it. Even though it’s… not pretty.

[Jimmy wants to tell Joker that he understands, and that he doesn't have to talk about it if he really doesn't want to, but...he wouldn't have brought him in here for the express purpose of talking if he didn't want to get it off his chest.]

Well...you know me! I'm all ears...haha.

Yeah, but....

[Joker keeps glancing over to Angel as he talks, something the usually confident ringleader doesn't usually do. It's obvious he's looking to the little Pokemon for comfort.]

If ya weren't comfortable with it, Jims, y'know... ya don't have ta stick around. If it gets ta be too much.

[Envy has been in shoes similar to his, so Joker isn't surprised that he's stuck around, but other people? He wouldn't force that on them.]

I know.

[It probably seems like his answer comes quickly, but it was already on his tongue before Joker had properly finished.]

If it is, I'll say something. But...this is real important, and I wanna listen to what you have to say.

[Sometimes, it astounds Joker the kind of good that’s still around. For all that he’s tried to hide it, the things he left behind back in England haunt him in a way that’s distinctly un-supernatural. He takes a breath, nodding.]

Fair enough. Anyway… Remember when I was tellin’ ya I was dealin’ with ghost problems? That was because… [Him and Angel grimace in unison.] One of the ghosts started lookin’ like a girl that I…

[There’s no pretty way to put it.]

...Because a me, she fell ta her death.

[There's really no hiding it, this time. The admission makes Jimmy's expression fall, his hands curling into loose fists on his knees. Leader seems to notice and responds by pressing his head against Jimmy's ankle.

In his mind, he's trying to quickly think of a thousand different things he could say. Anything that might be appropriate to respond to that with.

"It's okay, you couldn't have meant it." "It must have been an accident."

But the way Joker's framing it...]

...o-oh.

...Yeah.

[With quiet pattering, Angel crosses the desk and hops onto his lap, burrowing up against Joker’s shirt. Carefully, he wraps his arm around her, not wanting to break the silence again. Yet what he wants, in his view, has never particularly mattered.]

So… That’s what I mean when I say some things show up here. People who could show up here.

...I never wanted ta do those kinda things, but they got done anyway, and I'm not expectin' anyone ta be understandin'.

...but it's different than that, isn't it, Joker? You...can't change that something happened because of what you did, but...

...it's not like you could really get out of it, either.

Ha, unfortunately, when ya hurt someone, they don’t always care about things like that. Like I said- I won’t blame ‘em if it’s someone like that who shows up here one day.

Yeah...I guess you're right.

What would you do if they did?

….Depends.

[He rakes his hand through his hair, grimacing.]

If it were any of those kids… I’d just try not ta upset ‘em, if they could tell who I was. Same for the parents. Here, in Johto, it’s not like there’s much else ta do….

...But if it were the people who caught us…. Dependin’ on how it could go, it’d be trouble.

[Jimmy tries his best not to let his unease show, but it's hard. Especially at the thought of anyone from Joker's past coming to haunt him in a more permanent way.]

I'd back you up, if that happened.

[That makes him jolt up, Angel’s own head turning to look at Jimmy in surprise, and he quickly starts to make a ‘settle down’ gesture.]

Hey now, Jims, you don’t gotta do that- it’s my business, I just- after everythin’, I thought ya should know, that’s the only reason I’m tellin’ ya about it.

I-

["But you're my friend", he starts, but Leader nudges his leg with his head, gently. It gets the boy to reconsider what he was about to say before he just...sighs and nods, leaning back a bit in his chair.]

Okay. I just want you to know that...even after all that, you're still my friend, yaknow?

...It means a lot.

[Letting out a breath, him and Angel finally slump together and he musses up his own hair.]

Yer one of the most important people around for me… So, even though I figured it might not end well, it felt dishonest… not tellin’ ya about it.

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