005 | Text

[awesmazings]

[Anyone who knows Jimmy at all might have noticed that he's been unusually absent from the Network lately. Ignoring new arrivals, and only talking to people sparingly- and it's always, always via text. In fact, Jimmy hasn't made a video post to the Network himself in several months, and it seems like that hasn't changed.

It's jarringly unusual behavior, but the sudden message that pops up on the Network this afternoon might be the most surprising thing of all, even moreso than the radio silence. No attempts at filtering, either.]

What do you think 'Hell' is?

Comments

[awesmazings]

thats one of the things ive been worried about the most, i think

[Jimmy sends that before really getting together what else he was trying to say, so there's a bit of a lengthy pause before he continues. He takes that time to read over what he's said for a second time.

Killing someone with your own two hands and making a decision that results in someone else's death is just as bad as doing it personally. Nobody would argue, no matter what the circumstances surrounding the incident were. Like he said, the circumstances are complicated. Jimmy doesn't want to know, but he still can't help but assume that what happened was beyond his control.

Perhaps it's still that innate desire to see the best in everyone. Maybe. ...but that's exactly what he wanted to bring up next, isn't it?]

say i was a different kind of person, before. somebody who was...still me, but i guess lived a really different life than the one im living right now
then i wake up in miseryville with no memories of anything else, or at least not much
what does that mean? does that mean whoever i am now isnt really who im supposed to be?
like its some sort of
i dunno
its just fake maybe

[He's not sure if he really means that. He probably doesn't, but he can't think of a better way to word it.]

[awesmazings]

[...hang on.]

the opposite?
what do you mean?

[throw_stone]

Heaven. Where good people ascend, if they have died.

Those blessed by Saint Ajora often ascend there, to forever live in peace and harmony.
[and here we get into ivalice religion

i am sorry]

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[exeggutorhead]

[Congratulations Jimmy, you've hit one of Envy's Issues Buttons.]

just because you might be a different person now then you were when you were alive doesn't make you not real

that's what I am, I'm a dead person stuck with stupid memories from somebody else, and they don't match up with how I am now. but I'm real.

you could have been the worst person in the world before or you could have been exactly the same, that still wouldn't make you not real as you are

[ardent]

[Hmmm.]

Have you ever heard of the concept of "tabula rasa"? It's okay if you haven't.

[text]

[awesmazings]

i really dont know, to tell you the truth
like ive never heard any of that before
i didnt know that it had a 'point', other than that its
well
its really familiar to me. like, the way everyone describes Hell as being
only what i know is
it's not really pitchforks and a world on fire so much...

[awesmazings]

[...]

good people

good people go to Heaven
and bad people go to Hell

...right?

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[awesmazings]

[WHOOPS...]

...im sorry
i didnt mean that, really

[BUT HE DID, THO.]

i just wish i knew who i was
just not knowing is driving me crazy
wondering how bad or....not bad i could have been

[awesmazings]

[...gesundheit.]

no, i havent

[throw_stone]

Yes. At least, that is what I have been taught.

It may be different in your world. You are no Ivalician, correct?

[ardent]

"Tabula rasa" is a philosophical theory regarding humanity's natural state of being. It poses that we are neither inherently good nor inherently evil when we're born; at our core, we're a blank slate, and how we choose to act from there is dependent on a number of factors, like memories and experiences that we gain as we grow older.

If you take all of those memories and experiences away, then you'll logically have a person's natural state of being - what they are then is what they would naturally just...be, if that makes any sense.

If you don't remember anything before Miseryville, then you would be in a state of tabula rasa now, I think. What you are now isn't fake, but rather it's the opposite - it's what you're meant to be.

[awesmazings]

aahhh im sorry, i dunno what that is
so i guess not
but a lot of people here seem to think the same thing
or at least theyve heard the same
all i know is Hell is supposed to be a really really bad place

[awesmazings]

[...]

so youre saying
no matter what kind of person i might have been before
and if everything ive been told is true
meaning that ive...died
and ended up in Hell- Miseryville- because of it
the kind of person I am now

that's who i am
i could've just as easily been in Miseryville and just
was the worst person in the world, yeah?
but im not
i mean i know im not perfect or anything
but im not terrible either
at least not as terrible as some things ive seen i guess

[ardent]

Yes. I don't think you're a terrible person, either, and I think that's how things are supposed to be. If you really don't remember anything, then you don't have your past to shape you - you just have what you are now, and logically speaking that's what you actually are underneath everything else.

I don't know if you've died or what you did, if you did anything at all. But I don't think who you are now is fake, either. And for what it's worth, I like who you are.

[awesmazings]

thank you. that means a lot
i really appreciate it
maybe the fact that im so worried about it at all means i could never have been all that bad
and i dont think who i am now is probably going to be changing much any time soon

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[angerpoints]

Wait a sec, this place is called Miseryville?

Geez, no wonder it's ruled by a guy who wants everybody to be depressed. It's like right there on the tin.

[WHY WOULD YOU LIVE IN A PLACE WITH A NAME LIKE THAT... Yusuke does not understand. Then again, he also doesn't understand a lot of things about his own world, so uh... he's just gonna do what he does when he's confronted with weird shit back home and refuse to think about it too much.]

... anyway, I get it. I know a guy whose favorite activities usually involve stabbing the shit out of people. Kinda creeps other people out, for obvious reasons, but that doesn't change the fact that he's one of my closest friends. If anybody messed with him, I'd make 'em wish they'd never been born.

[Granted, he still thinks this "Lucy" guy sounds like a total tool, but objectively speaking, it'd be a little hypocritical for him to judge Jimmy for giving a damn about somebody who likes to watch people suffer when he himself is good friends with a small murderous fire demon who enjoys the smell of rotting flesh. Of course, he'd probably put his foot up Hiei's ass if he started torturing people on a mass scale or something, but...

... look, the point is, it sounds like this person's relationship with the leader of his home is complicated. And while Yusuke personally doesn't like the sound of him at all, he's friends with enough deeply flawed people to know that you can't just stop caring about somebody just because you know they're a little, ah... strange. It's not that easy. Besides, does it really matter what he thinks about Jimmy giving a shit about Lucy? He knows he isn't particularly interested in what people think about his friendship with Hiei, so he's leaning towards "not really".

So he lets it go, and steers the conversation towards a slightly different topic.]

So it sounds to me like you and everyone else in Miseryville make the best with what you've got. So why're you so worried about people thinking it sounds like Hell? What, you think they're judging you or something?

[ardent]

I'm glad to hear that!

And I'm glad this is helping you, too. I'm not always the best at it, but you can always send me a message or something if you want to talk.

[awesmazings]

i knew i wanted to talk about it for a little while
actually no, a while
like a couple months
but i didnt start thinking about it again until a few weeks ago, and right now im actually talking about it
im still not really sure what to think exactly but its not as bad as it was before, i dont think
whether or not youre the best at it, its nice to know somebodys listening
i just have to try to not talk too much, haha

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[awesmazings]

yeah, guess i forgot to mention that

[Maybe he'd think about moving, if Miseryville didn't constitute the entire planet.]

but...no, thats not it
even if everyone thought my home was the worst place in the world, that wouldnt change how i feel about it
and people can think what they want. i dont care. but i just
ive been worried about...me
not anybody else

like if Miseryville is supposed to be such a bad place, why do I like it so much? why doesn't it bother me? why don't i want to leave?
i mean i have my friends and i wouldnt leave them for anything, but that doesnt really count...
i have friends here in Johto i dont want to leave, but i wanna go back home someday
home to the place full of fire and demons that everyone says is reserved for the most terrible people around
...
so
people like me, then

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[angerpoints]

[... sounds like one hell of a planet. (HA HA HA... ha. Ahem.)

Anyway. The mention of demons catches Yusuke's attention right away, but he doesn't comment on it. Instead, he says (or types):]

So... all right. Lemme see if I've got this straight: you're thinking that because people're telling you that Miseryville sounds really similar to a place where bad people get sent, that means you might be a bad person.

Right?

[Just clarifying...]

[me_first]

sometimes taking your mind off your worries makes them feel not as big. at least for a while. it sounds like this is making you start to panic quite a bit judging by the other threads.

[awesmazings]

...that bad, huh?

i guess youre right
i need to try and find something to do to get my mind off it

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[awesmazings]

yeah
pretty much

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[angerpoints]

[...]

Were you born there? In Miseryville, I mean. I'm not saying that has anything to do with whether you're a bad person or not, 'cause I mean, shit, it's not like you can help where you grew up, but...

... the thing about Hell is you kinda have to die to get there. So.

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[awesmazings]

i dont remember
i dont ever remember being, like
younger than 15 really
ever
its like i just woke up here one day and thats how my life started
if that makes any sense

[...so technically he's an orphan too even though he has a house some....how.....

But now it's sounding a lot like he's....died.]