awesmazings | 005

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005 | Text

[Anyone who knows Jimmy at all might have noticed that he's been unusually absent from the Network lately. Ignoring new arrivals, and only talking to people sparingly- and it's always, always via text. In fact, Jimmy hasn't made a video post to the Network himself in several months, and it seems like that hasn't changed.

It's jarringly unusual behavior, but the sudden message that pops up on the Network this afternoon might be the most surprising thing of all, even moreso than the radio silence. No attempts at filtering, either.]

What do you think 'Hell' is?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[So. That's 2/3 for "place where terrible people go when they die". ...though one could argue that Neku's description isn't that far off, albeit a bit weird.]

What is the Gate supposed to be like?

A massive stone Gate in the middle of nothing but an expanse of light. It can lead to another world if you go in alive and meaning to push through, but if not...it's darkness.

Darkness and thousands of what look like shadow children with bright purple eyes. But I don't know if it has anything to do with what happens after death, I don't remember that much.

Are you saying you were there before?

That's where I originally came from, before I was...called out of it, I guess you'd say.

[...]

Oh.

do you know why you were there? would you say it's because you were a "terrible person"?

No, I don't remember why I was there or how I got there. I've got some memories of a living person from before who I don't think was THAT terrible. But the part of me that remembers that place...I'm not sure if it was even a person or just one of those children, maybe who'd always been there. It's complicated.

[And it's kind of nice to talk to a complete stranger about this, who Envy doesn't have to give a damn about what they think. Also, putting a lock on this because ahaha the Gate.]

So why do you ask?

[Because he can tell a leading question when he sees one.]

[Aahahaa well, at least this conversation is locked.]

I really need to know what other people think it is.

its

really important.

like

[His hands are shaking so hard he can't even type, gosh dangit.]

apparently like

my world. where i come from. apparently it fits the description of Hell. i never knew what Hell was before i came here.

[...well this just got more interesting.]

what, the fire and brimstone and pitchforks hell?

so what you're after is to figure out if you're a dead person who used to be really awful, am I right?

thats right.

do you remember anything from before you were in this place?

no. i cant remember anything.

so if you don't remember, what does it really matter who some hypothetical person was and if they're dead?

it matters if that means that i was a terrible person

any time in any part of my life

it matters to me.

and if it's true that you were? what then?

i dont know. i really dont know.

look

getting caught up worrying about a life that you don't even remember is a really good way to wind up miserable and losing your mind.

what was this world of yours like for you? did it feel like you were getting punished for something?

no. not at all. i never even began to think of it like that.

not before i came here.

the hell everyone thinks of is a punishment for wrongdoings. if you weren't getting punished, then maybe you didn't do anything.

i just
dont understand how else i could have ended up there.
and why am i not upset when everyone else around me is
and im trying to make them happy and sometimes it works
but sometimes it doesnt

okay wait

slow down

just tell me about this place

[When did he get invested in this? What is happening?]

[FEELINGS ARE HAPPENING, THAT'S WHAT now strap in.]

my home is
its exactly like people keep describing
the sky is red and the ocean is made of lava
lava worms live on the beach and dragons and monsters and demons exist
my best friend is a demon i think
its hot all the time because there are two suns
its
its not a good place!!
but I love it
like
whats wrong with me i never even thought...about it like that before

[HE DIDN'T MEAN TO SIGN UP FOR THIS]

what's wrong with liking a place you feel like you belong in, even if it's shit?

you like making people happy? well you live in the place where everyone's miserable

you get to just do what you like all the time. I don't know, maybe you volunteered to go there

i just
i dont know
i really dont know what to think
ive been wanting to go back home one day and now im scared to
but that isnt right because I love my home
i love my friends and my dog and where i live

[He stops there, dropping the Gear long enough to dig his fingers through his hair, yanking on it a bit.]

i wish i never even knew about Hell
anything about it.

wishing's not going to make it go away, or make you forget. trust me, there are a lot of things I wish I could forget.

who cares if your home is hell? if you love it, you're happy there. if you find a place where you can feel like you belong, then fuck what anyone else thinks about it.

if you go back it will still be the same place it was before

...
do you really think that? that it...doesn't matter?

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