awesmazings | 005

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[Anyone who knows Jimmy at all might have noticed that he's been unusually absent from the Network lately. Ignoring new arrivals, and only talking to people sparingly- and it's always, always via text. In fact, Jimmy hasn't made a video post to the Network himself in several months, and it seems like that hasn't changed.

It's jarringly unusual behavior, but the sudden message that pops up on the Network this afternoon might be the most surprising thing of all, even moreso than the radio silence. No attempts at filtering, either.]

What do you think 'Hell' is?

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[Said elephant might discover the scent coming from a door that's slightly ajar, and inside there will be a gangly boy draped over his bed not facing the door that she won't be able to see. She might be able to smell a Pokemon in here, but only one. The rest are in their pokeballs, perhaps so they don't have to see their trainer the way he currently is.]

i guess.

no one actually knows what hell is like jimmy
theyre just parroting whats been written by old dead people
wnat to know one of the reasons you can end up in hell?? you dont worship the same god as they do
its a bunch of crock

[And then suddenly, in the room itself-]

Now is this what's been buggin' ya for the whole month?

[Joker leans against the doorway, Eliza at his feet with her trunk sniffing in the air curiously.]

[Jimmy seizes up a little, pulling his legs a bit closer to his chest. He doesn't look up or away from the Gear still in his hands, his head on the pillow as he lies there on the bed.

Leader is on the bed as well, his head resting in the crook of Jimmy's knees, the rest of his body wrapped protectively around the boy. The room itself is a bit of a mess- not unusual for Jimmy, since it's hard to keep things spotless- but moreso than it usually is.

After a long pause he sits up a little, pushing the Gear shut. The movement prompts Leader to lift his head, a low whine coming from his throat as he tries to nudge his nose under Jimmy's elbow.

When Jimmy finally does turn around, his shoulders are shaking and tears are quietly falling down his cheeks as he nods, not making eye contact as he struggles to keep from dropping the Gear in his hands entirely.]

[In a heartbeat, Joker strides over there and leans down. His arm wraps around the young boy and his hand cradles the back of his head as he presses him against his shoulder. His voice is soft and soothing.]

Hey now, ain't any good bottlin' it all in. Let it out, Jims. Tell me what's wrong, or bawl yer eyes out, either ors good enough. Dont' leave me here in the dark.

[Joker will barely have the time to get his arms around Jimmy properly before he practically folds in his arms, letting out a strangled cry that's muffled by his shoulder. Leader shifts a little to give Jimmy room, his ears falling back as he drops his head back to the bed. It seems that he's seen his trainer in this sort of distress for a while now, but hasn't really been able to do anything to help.

His sobs come deep and hard, though this isn't the first time he's let tears fall this week. It's just the first time he's really had anyone around to see it. Through it he tries to speak, to explain himself or perhaps apologize, but nothing coherent really comes out.

"I'm sorry"

"I don't know what to do"

"I'm a terrible person"

bits and pieces of words all fragmented together, not making much sense at all, really.]

[Joker just keep him in his hold- not as strong as it could be, not if he had another arm to go with it, but he holds on tight as he can anyway. He rests his cheek against that head of blonde hair and makes quiet shushing noises.]

[Kid like Jimmy doesn't need to worry about a place like Hell. That's a problem for a man like Joker.]

[He pats the boy's head over and over, touch soft and reassuring. There's nothing really that can be said right now. Sometimes all you can do is let the tears fall before you pick up the pieces that fell with them.]

[It's a little while before Jimmy manages to calm down, and once he does he's clearly totally spent. It's telling in both his body language and breathing, just how exhausted he is, both mentally and physically.

Even the crying has turned into uncontrollable gasping he doesn't let go of Joker, instead resting his head against his shoulder with tears still drying on his face.]

Hell....t-that's...where I'm from.

[Jimmy finally manages in a voice that's barely above a whisper, his grip around the man tightening a bit.]

I'm f-from Hell...

[Jimmy doesn't have to worry; Joker doesn't plan on letting go anytime soon himself.]

Always thought ya said it was named Miseryville?

Miseryville is Hell. Th-they're...the same place.

[He shivers, closing his eyes tightly.]

Everything everyone s-says...to describe it...

...it's j-just like home...

Nah, it ain't.

[Joker settles down besides Jimmy, still keeping him close.]

Y'know how many Londons there apparently are?

[Jimmy's brows furrow a little in confusion as he shakes his head a little.]

N-no...

Me either. [He gives a quiet laugh.] But I know where I'm from ain't the only one.

Back in my time... Right before we hit London, there was this nasty fella runnin' about killin' people. Called Jack the Ripper, no one knew anythin' about him, still hadn't caught him when we pulled in.

But I was talkin' ta someone here. Turns out? She'd met him in the flesh, centuries ahead a me, and took right care of him.

My Jack wasn't her Jack. My London's probably not her London either.

Some a the places we're all from... Seems like they're similar. Maybe yer Miseryville seems like the Hell they've heard of, but it's just as likely it's somewhere different.

And if that ain't enough... [There's a brief pause before he forges on ahead. He doesn't have to tell the whole truth, just enough.] If it's really the same as the one they talk about where I'm from, I can promise ya I'd see ya there and be glad for it.

[Jimmy listens to Joker's story quietly, and by the end of it there are tears falling down his cheeks again, though he can't exactly tell what's causing them now.]

...I'm glad.

[A small smile flickers onto his expression for just a moment before he speaks again.]

I....I t-talked to somebody, the other day. ...I don't think they....k-knew, or meant anything by it...but they made the connection. Between...Hell and Miseryville. G-got me....worrying about it, again.

[He shifts slightly, turning his face a bit more into Joker's shoulder.]

B-but they...weren't the first. I just really started....thinking about it.

L-like I...it's not so much...living in Hell that scares me. It's...the thought that I....died....and ended up in Hell because...

[His breath catches slightly before he can continue.]

....because I did something really bad. ...I-I just can't remember. A-and I...it's....s-scary. I could've really....

[Jimmy falls quiet there finally, his words starting to blur together as he loses track of his point entirely.]

Like I said before- no one and their mother can agree on the exact reasons ya go ta hell. For all we know, it's about as random as the reason why you and me are here in Johto.

[He ruffles Jimmy's hair as Eliza sniffs her way over at long last and plops down at their feet.]

If ya didn't do somethin' bad, then that's fine. If ya did, then that's all the more reason ta be good and happy here, right? We get second chances... so we can do somethin'. Maybe so we can make other folks happier along with ourselves. Make up for what we've done.

[He sounds a bit out of it as he says that before snapping out of it.]

But that's if ya did anythin' bad. Lad like yerself? I doubt that's the reason.

[Jimmy smiles weakly when Joker ruffles his hair, letting out a slow sigh.]

Mmm...y-yeah. I...I guess you're right...

S-so...even if I did....do something. ...y-you still think I'm...a good person?

'Course! Doin' a bad thing or five doesn't mean yer bad overall!

Folks who tell ya that are daft.

[Jimmy lets his eyes fall closed again for a minute.]

I just...wonder. ...what I was like, before.

I-I hope I was nice. I can't imagine...anything else.

If yer nice and ya can't even remember what it was like before, pretty sure that means ya definitely always were.

[There's another hair ruffle before Joker ruffles in his pockets to pull out a handkerchief.]

C'mon now. Dry yer eyes.

[Jimmy takes the handkerchief from Joker, smiling a bit more when Leader pushes his head beneath his arm and works his head into Jimmy's lap.]

...I'm s-sorry I didn't...say anything before. I just didn't know...what to say.

Just say somethin' is botherin' ya until ya do. I won't pry further until then.

Now what do ya say we leave this whole depressin' mess behind us and end the night well, eh?

[He nods, finally fully detaching himself from Joker's side, running his hand over the top of Leader's head.]

Yeah. Sounds like a good idea to me.

Then let's go ta the buffet that's down town!

[Because nothing says "fuck existential problems" like stuffing your face until the staff threaten to throw you out.]

[TRUE THAT.]

O-okay!

[If nothing else, though Jimmy's eyes are red and he looks like he's recently been through Hell and back, there's a smile on his face that hasn't been there for two weeks.

With any luck, nothing else undue will happen to make it go away again any time soon.]

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